Safety Planning for Conflict
Safety planning is a term used in a variety of contexts. In essence it describes the process of identifying risk and mapping out resources to minimize that risk as much as possible. In the context of dealing with conflict, safety planning often involves deepening your relationship with your own body. Knowing how your body feels when certain emotions come to surface is a powerful skill that will help you make better decisions in tense situations.
When thinking of safety it is common to think of physical safety first. After all we are instinctively aware of our mortality and looking after our physical safety is hard-wired in us but there is more to it that we need to pay attention to. Psychological, moral and social safety need to be added in the mix when making your conflict safety plan.
Preparing for this situations ahead of time is a work best done with others. This is the type of work done with people in your pods. Supporting each other in the process of developing the skills to be more aware of your feelings and emotions, making lists of resources that you both can use in tense situations and practicing together, like in role-play scenarios, cultivates relationships of trust. If you are not familiar with the concept of Pods and Pod mapping, I recommend you check out this wonderful tool introduced by the Bay Area Transformative Justice Collective.
So reach out to your pods, if you have them, and get started with this quick guide:
Going back to previous experiences when you felt upset, frustrated or angry can be a good first step. Try to remember how your body felt when feeling those emotions, how did it manifest. Sometimes it can be a sensation of muscle tension, palpitations, pressure in your head, etc. Make a list.
Now try recognizing what triggered those sensations. Ask yourself this questions: what was the situation? What was most important for you in that situation and why was it so important? These questions might help you identify what needs were not being met or what boundaries were not being respected or identified at the moment. Then try identifying what are your danger zones? What boundaries keep you safe? What emotions are the most challenging?
Search for easily accessible detours that you can use while in similar situation in the future. For example: breathing, playing with toys, asking for time and space, pay attention to your soroundings, mediate, do physical activities or just bring awareness to those bodily sensations. Of course not all these detours will be useful in all situations but having a broad set of tools will help you adapt to most situations. Build up the habit of using these tools when conflict is not present.
Share with relevant people. Even if you already practiced with your pod people, it is recommended to share your boundaries with relevant individuals from your work, family, friends, neighbors, etc.
Check out this short video for more tips: